Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will hold on to you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

A Mother’s Love

  It was the first time I’ve visited my mother’s grave, though she died two years ago. I kept telling myself I would go there.

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Angie

I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately, haunted by dreams of her. This Thanksgiving will mark the 10th anniversary of her death. Her name

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Birthday

My father is becoming increasingly less verbal. During our call this morning he was trying to tell me about something but could not describe it.

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Blue Sky

If I could change only one thing about myself, it’d be how I view the world. Instead of focusing on the clouds, I’d look for

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Clouds

It hit me with a resounding thud, like a door slamming in my face: cold, hard rejection. The email was addressed to me wasn’t personal.

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Dad in Wonderland

My father thinks he’s married to a woman at the memory unit, although she doesn’t think she is married to him. Her name is Juanita

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Dear Mom

      This is the letter I wish I’d written before you died. There are things I wanted to tell you. Things that needed

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Emerging

It’s been three years since my father died, enough time for grief to take a back corner. This is what I thought anyway. Or expected?

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Glass

What separates us is glass—the window I stand behind when I visit. I can see him but he’s grainy, obscured by the screen and the

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Happy-Sad

There is a saying I’ve heard many times, most recently on house-hunting shows: “Happy wife, happy life.” The husband and wife are at odds (making

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Heart Songs

  Yesterday I visited my father at the memory care facility. I brought him banana cream pie and held my phone up to his ear

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Him, not me

Today I had a nice visit with my father. I brought him some fudge I made last night, which made him happy because he loves

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I’m sorry Daddy

It feels like a jagged nail that keeps catching on things, raw and exposed, but it’s my heart. It can’t be filed down.    The

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If I Wore Black

  The therapist said I’m grieving the loss of my father even though he’s still alive. She said it’s a process that can begin early

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Joy

This is what it feels like when the Lord puts his hand on me. He took my bedraggled heart, stitched it together and plumped it

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Lost and found friends

I lost my first friend when I was 11 years old, and I still remember the pain. An aching, searing emptiness that consumed me. I

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Mother may I… please?

This is my biggest fear: ending up like my mother. Depressed, alone, isolated. Living without joy or hope. Isolated and alienated from everyone, imprisoned in

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My Moses Moment

  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well (Matthew 6:3). In a moment

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My Perfect Place

When I was a little girl, I learned to travel in my mind. In the midst of the yelling I would fade away.  I’d play

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Pieces of him

    My father is slipping away. Physically, he’s ok but mentally he’s declining. Two days ago on our call he said he was working

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Sisters: Divided we fall

The hardest lesson I’ve learned I’ve had to unlearn. Not yet, but I’m getting there. It’s a process. Perhaps it will take the rest of

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Solace

He has good days and bad days, and today was bad. I could tell as soon as I saw him. It seemed like his wheelchair

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Sorrow

This is what it feels like when I’m apart from the Lord. I’m at the memory care facility vising my father and my heart is

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Take my hand, Mr. Sandman

    There is another world between midnight and five am. It’s filled with shadows and silence. It lives for the anxious and the fearful.

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The Blessing

It’s the day after Mother’s Day and thoughts of her are still in my head. Thoughts of the mother she was and the one she

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The Greatest Gift

    This Christmas I’ve been thinking about gifts. Not the ones I’ve purchased or the ones I’ll receive from family, but the greatest gift

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The Shirt

What strikes me about grief is how random it is. One day I will be fine, living my life and functioning well. Then something small

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The War

  I’m at the memory unit visiting my father and he’s talking about the war. He says there is a “war between the two sides,

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The Wave

The call came at 2:00 am and that is never a good thing. It’s happened several times, mostly in the past year. This call was

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When I am weak I am strong

The enemy hit me in the same place he always strikes, the soft underbelly of my identity. He knows it’s an easy target—squishy and unprotected.

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Keep me from the way of deceit, and graciously give me Your instruction. Psalm 119:29

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Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. Luke 9:23

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31