Emerging
It’s been three years since my father died, enough time for grief to take a back corner. This is what I thought anyway. Or expected? But yesterday as I sat…
Rules to Live by… and Ones to Let Go
Growing up I learned many things I’ve remembered—and some I need to forget. It’s like a memory buffet. I’ll take what I need and leave the rest. These go on…
I’m older, so what’s it to you?
Recently I saw a 60 Minutes Australia interview with former supermodel Paulina Porizcova talking about aging. Hugely popular in the 1980s, Paulina was the face of Estee Lauder and on…
Family Myths and Blood Bonds
When I look back at my life, I see mostly brief intervals, not long passages. If my life were a YouTube video, it would be a series of 30-60 second…
The Shirt
What strikes me about grief is how random it is. One day I will be fine, living my life and functioning well. Then something small will remind me of my…
In my mother’s house
A year ago today my mother died. She was 83, a heavy smoker and in poor health. I knew it could happen any time, so I shouldn’t have been surprised.…
All the King’s Horses
Some days I wonder when the shame began. Not about what I’d done, but who I am. Was it in childhood? Before my brain was developed enough to reject…
Dear Mom
This is the letter I wish I’d written before you died. There are things I wanted to tell you. Things that needed to be said. I wish…
I’m sorry Daddy
It feels like a jagged nail that keeps catching on things, raw and exposed, but it’s my heart. It can’t be filed down. The last time I saw my father, he…
If I Wore Black
The therapist said I'm grieving the loss of my father even though he's still alive. She said it’s a process that can begin early if the person is terminally…